I’ve always been a nostalgic person. But the way how I look back now isn’t the same with how I looked back in my B.C. (yes, I am pertaining to my “before Christ” era) years.
Before I met Him, I liked revisiting and staying in my past. I strived to look forward everyday, but the pull of my memories and my longing to relive them is stronger than my hope for the future. Whenever I felt happy or excited, I always thought that that is going to be the “peak of my existence”. Immature thinking, I know. But that’s how I truly felt. So I tried to hold on to my experiences, exerting much effort not to taint my memories with new ones. I always feared that new things might just disappoint me.
But of course, He can’t bear to leave me like that.
When I got introduced to Him and eventually gave in to His goodness, He made me realize that the past is in the past for a reason (and that there’s a reason why the time machine hasn’t been invented yet!). I am not supposed to live there. I was wonderfully and fearfully made for a purpose! I was tasked to do something for Him, with Him, and through Him, and I cannot “go” if I’m stuck somewhere, right?
So there. A few years back, I started to walk forward. Yep! It’s not just looking now; I am walking with Him. I stopped clinging to what already happened and that’s when my journey towards eternity have begun. I no longer hold back for I am secured with His Word.
But did I forget everything? No.
Actually, He upgraded how I viewed my past. It’s as if He gave me an extra-special magnifying glass for the task. He didn’t take away my nostalgia, but He gave it a twist. I no longer clawed my way back to my past, but I still constantly view it in vivid detail (yep, you read that right) to remind myself how far He’s already brought me. Little by little, He reveals to me things that I never came to understand while they were happening as my ‘present’. (You get me here, right?)
I now appreciate the low points in my past–the hurt, tears, and all–because I now know what suffering produces. I now appreciate the high points in my past because I have access to the One who showered (and will continually bless) me with them. 🙂 And with all my accumulated memories, I’m now expectant and ecstatic for more!
Revisiting the old times in His perspective in mind, I think, is an essential part of our spiritual growth. We just have to be careful not to be trapped in there. After all, what God desires is to spend all eternity with us and our past doesn’t lead us any closer to that end goal. So hustle! There’s no point in wanting to go back. Walk, walk, and walk…